One year ago...

One year ago I was having mild contractions and I was thinking perhaps it was just a irritable uterus again*. I took my terbutaline, drank 20 oz of water, rested on my left side (when I wasn't peeing) and eventually fell asleep.

Around noon the next day, I was speaking with Sarah on the phone and saying something about how cool it would be if the twins were born on Friday the 13th. But since "nothing is going on", I didn't think it would happen. Little did I know....

*At least I was hoping it was because Alaina wasn't in bed yet and I didn't want to disturb her nighttime routine. The twins arrived less than 24 hours later. And with my "don't disturb Alaina" mentality, it's a wonder they didn't arrive on the living room floor!

Things I ONLY do when I'm pregnant

- Eat in the middle of the night
- Strike up conversations with toddlers belonging to complete strangers
- Cry happy tears. All. The. Time.
- Wear t-shirts with cute sayings on them
- Consume anything that comes from a McDonald's or a Burger King or a KFC (I still won't touch Taco Bell)
- Consider ice cream a legit source of calcium
- Avoid WebMd. Hypochondria + pregnancy = Panic
- Convince myself that I can make a living by working a part-time, home-based business
- Investigate new religions to possibly convert before new baby arrives
- Read Danielle Steele books
- Use gas station bathrooms

Concerts I Won't Be Attending

After last year's disappointment over missing the Police and Genesis reunion concerts, let's see, who I will not be seeing in concert THIS summer due to pregnancy and the inability to stand on my feet for any period of time:

Pearl Jam
Stone Temple Pilots (Reunion!)
R.E.M. - with Modest Mouse
New Kids on the Block (Reunion!)
Poison (probably not as fun anymore anyway now that Rock of Love has aired)

Oh, and just to be cruel, The Police are coming around "one last time" before going back into retirement. And they are coming to my area with Elvis Costello. Grr...

Last year I did manage to get to two nice, sit-down concerts with the boys in-utero: Aaron Lewis (of Staind) does a great acoustic show and I was able to see my boyfriend Josh Groban as well. Will there be a concert I can take my tummy to this year? Perhaps. Maybe the Jack Johnson show is low-key enough? If you have any other suggestions, throw them my way!

Come on out and play

So this whole pregnancy we have been striving towards milestones: 12 weeks - the risk of vanishing twin disappears; 24 weeks - the week of viability; 28 weeks - the minimum I would really feel comfortable with; 33 weeks - when Alaina was born; the 3 lb mark; the 4 lb mark.

Well, now we have made it further than I had ever thought we would and with both babies (most likely) around 5 lbs at this point, I'm wondering: will they ever come out?

We are in the midst of a heat wave. We JUST today got air-conditioning in one room of our house. I have been sweating and growing and, honestly, have never felt better as far as being pregnant goes. I honestly think I could be pregnant forever.

For a while we have been discussing various possibilities of birth dates. Brian keeps guessing nice numbers that go together (and are easy to remember) like 7/7, 7/11 and 7/17. While those all sound nice, my current guess is that I will still be pregnant on 8/5 at which point I will be induced, go through 48 hours of labor, and ultimately end up having a c-section.

I know I should NEVER complain about holding on until the end. But when temperatures reach 96 degrees, I start to think "ok, it's time". Honestly, how much bigger can my stomach get?

OB Appointment and NST - July 6

So today was filled with appointments. We started with the NST in Hartford at 2 pm. It was fairly uneventful with both boys being good and staying on the monitors the whole time. We got a very quick (and unclear) view of the boys while the technician was checking fluid and we were able to see that Baby A has a decent amount of scruffy hair on his head! I was sad for this appointment to end as I had a nice comfy bed in a quiet and very cool room. Oh well, back home to the warmth and noise.

After being home for about 45 minutes (enough time for an ice cream snack) we headed back out, this time to see Dr M. The scale was nicer to me this time saying I gained a more realistic 1.5 pounds since the last visit. I am still holding strong at 1 cm. Only 2 weeks left to go until I can deliver at Johnson and only 4 more weeks until they induce me. I can't believe how fast this last part is going by!!

Bedrest - Blessing or Curse?

(Thanks to Brian for finally getting my power cord so I can write in comfort!)

So, a lot of people ask me what it's like being on bedrest - how I am handling it, how is the rest of the household reacting, and whether or not it's "worth it". I obviously have a lot of time to reflect on my situation so I thought I'd share.

Bedrest is has its ups and downs. The ups are okay. I obviously have lots of free time to indulge in time sinks I wouldn't have allowed myself to enjoy otherwise. Thanks to the wonder that is the DVR - and much to the dismay of my husband - I have been catching up on back-episodes of lots of shows. Shows I've watched on and off but missed episodes of over the years. I have also been consistently checking movies off of our very extended Netflix list. Reading is another great activity. When was the last time I was able to finish a book? A while ago. But since bedrest, I've finished almost 12. If only I could drive to the library, I'd be unstoppable!

The downs of bedrest, however, are real downers. First and foremost, I am bored - a lot. There is only so many hours straight you can enjoy the activities detailed above without getting fidgety.

Then there is the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. There is nothing worse than going from the woman in charge of the household to the invalid who needs to have everything brought to her. I am finally past the point of feeling badly about asking Brian for things, but when others come over to relieve him, it is still hard to ask for water (again), or a bowl of ice cream, or, an extra pillow, when all of those things are only a few feet away. It is especially hard to ask on the days when I feel good. My subconscious is saying "just get up and get it, it won't kill you", but I know I am not supposed to.

It is also really hard to look around and see all the things that need to be done to prepare for the babies birth. Setting up the nursery, organizing, cleaning, washing - I'm not involved in any of these. Well, beyond asking other people to do those things for me. And I am pretty specific about how I want things. (Brian throws around the term "OCD" a little too much - but he is not far off) But, now is the time to get it done. Once the boys arrive, all bets are off. And I'm the one with the time to think about that kind of stuff. In fact, it's almost all I think about.

Most of all, bedrest has been especially hard on my relationship with Alaina. She certainly understands the babies are coming and is very excited, but she does not understand why Mommy won't get off of the couch. And she has a hard time cuddling with me on the couch because (as she has told me) "there is no room". Ouch. Thankfully she continues to try.

And because I am confined to the couch, she knows my level of control over her is pretty diminished, so she is at a point of testing her boundaries. She will do something she is not supposed to do, look at me when I say "no", smile, and repeat the action. She knows the only thing I CAN do is say no. And if Brian is in another room (often doing something for me), it's out of my control until he gets back to stop her. This is very, very frustrating. But I try to remind myself, that it must be much more for frustrating for her.

She gets visibly concerned whenever I go to the doctor. Her little face registers anxiety and it is heartbreaking. But she is a trooper and while she is clearly unhappy with the current situation, she does contribute in her own ways like bringing me the phone when it rings, or letting Kayla in and out of the house for potty. She will even perform for me with a little song and dance when I really need it. I can't wait to get back on my feet so I can be there for her again.

So, as you can see, bedrest is a nice rest and I should not complain about that. When will I be able to sit and loaf like this again? But at the same time, the frustration, guilt and other emotional factors make it hard to enjoy the leisure time I've been given. Thankfully I have a wonderful support system in place with Brian, my parents, and my godmother waiting on me all the time, and they don't make me feel like a burden (most of the time). We also have very generous friends who bring over meals to relieve Brian of some of his workload.

So, I'm going to say that ultimately bedrest is a blessing - because I know once the babies arrive, I will be wishing for these days of laying around! Also, I know that it is because of bedrest that they babies are still in me and not in the NICU. With every day that passes, we are closer to delivering full-term babies who may actually be discharged with me! And if we can make that happen, then any emotional turmoil at this moment is clearly worth it.

OB Appointment - June 29

So, this appointment didn't start off well. When we arrived at 2 pm, there were no other cars in the parking lot. Hmmm. I know I get days of the week confused these days, but since doctor's appointments are my only contact with the outside world, I'm usually pretty confindent that I have the right time/date for them. I called the main office in Enfield and was told that his appointments would be starting at 3 pm this afternoon. Someone had tried to call me during the week, was my phone turned off? Ooops. Yes, we did change our home phone number and forget to contact that office. They told me to come back any time after 3 pm and they'll squeeze me in. This is fine except that car rides are like torture at this point and I'm not up for two in one day. My mom is driving, though, and she treats our driveway a little more gently than Brian so it wasn't so bad.

When we arrived back at 3:30 pm, the waiting room was PACKED. And it was packed with very pregnant women. So I knew that I wasn't going to get any special treatment. Fortunately, I was in and out within 45 minutes. I really like Vicki the nurse.

So, the recap: I stepped on the scale and was floored. Dr M then looked at my chart and told me that unless you are purposely packing on pounds for a Hollywood movie role, it is physically impossible for someone to put on 7 lbs of fat in one week. He is attributed at least half of that gain to water weight from the heat wave we've just had. He then proceeded to check my feet and ankles for swelling and came to the conclusion of "not bad". The heartbeats were quickly found and sounded good and I am still holding strong at 1 cm dilated, despite all the recent contractions. He said he thinks I am still fine to be HOME on bedrest and not in the hospital. I have mixed feelings about that at this point but so far he has been right, so I didn't argue. That may change next week though!

Still hanging in there and still cooking these kids. Back again in one week!

Perinatologist Appt - June 28

Yesterday's peri appointment was an adventure as we decided to be brave and take Alaina. Surprisingly enough, she was actually interested for about 10 minutes! The technician was very impressed. She was distracted when we heard a helicopter approaching for a landing on the roof of the building next door and once she saw that, she was done with Mommy and the babies.

We did have to stop briefly when my blood pressure dropped and I had to roll to my side. A side effect of being this big and laying flat on your back for too long. Once rolled over, I was fine. I'm just glad I didn't faint in front of my child!

So, onto the good stuff:

Due to the size and very close proximity of the babies, it was hard for the technician to keep them straight. But she did and we got some good info. Both babies are now head down. And their heads are both VERY low down which explains the massive amount of pressure I've been feeling lately. Baby A is weighing 4 lbs 9 oz and Baby B is 4 lbs 5 oz. The Peri was pleased with this. Their fluid levels are still looking nice and even so TTTS isn't a concern even with the slight difference in weight.

While I was there, they decided to have me start the NSTs. This meant 20 minutes hooked up to the fetal monitors. Needless to say Alaina couldn't handle that kind of sitting still so Brian took her on a tour of the hospital: riding elevators, buying stickers at the gift shop and walking the airwalk to the parking lot. Meanwhile I sat and stared at the wall for 20 minutes. The whole time I was contracting but since I was due for a Terbutaline pill at that time, the technician wasn't too concerned. Especially since I barely felt anything. In fact, if she hadn't told me contractions were showing up, I would have just thought it was baby movement.

I will now go back in 3 weeks for another growth check and will be back weekly for the NSTs. I am hoping I can arrange to have the NSTs done at Johnson instead of traveling to Hartford every week. The car ride is killing me and Brian's patience with me as a passenger is wearing thin!

I see Dr. M today so more info later....

New belly pics - 32 weeks

Brian thinks my belly can't get any bigger. I tend to agree....See for yourself!

OB Appointment - June 21

Back to Dr M for the weekly check-up. This time everything was just a little more of a challenge. To start with, catching urine in a tiny cup when your stomach is this big and your balance is totally off is almost impossible. I got lucky though and got just enough to be usable.

Next up, the scale. This time I gained 4 pounds so that was good. I guess that it helps that Brian know adds a scoop of fudge swirl ice cream to my daily Boosts and makes it into a milkshake!

After much effort, I finally heaved myself up onto the exam table and heard the heartbeats which are still great. My blood pressure was very, very low this time but he wasn't too concerned because it rose again once I sat up. I am still holding steady at 1 cm dilation, although Baby A's head was felt and he is definitely putting pressure on my cervix.

I was told to "drink more, do less" which is not a problem. The only thing I am currently doing is getting up to use the bathroom and even that is painful now with the constant joint pain I am experiencing. So, a positive visit overall. Next week I will go back AND I will go back to Hartford for the Perinatologist.

To end the day yesterday, Brian looked at my stomach before bed and said "Dear Lord you're huge. How can you possibly get any bigger??" Ah, love.... :-)

OB Appointment - June 14

Back to Dr M today. He was thrilled that I made it through another week. He was so excited, in fact, I thought he may give me a high-five when he entered the exam room. Thankfully, he did not.

I was very nervous for today's appointment because I had a horrible 24 hours beforehand. I had contractions and nausea and all the things I was sure were going to send me to the hospital. But, upon exam, we discovered that I am still holding steady at 1 cm dilation and, even better, the babies were both "high" today (e.g. he didn't feel any heads this time). I did not gain any weight in the last week but my belly is still measuring at 5 weeks ahead of schedule so nothing to be concerned about.

Back again next week!

OB Appointment - June 7

Went back for my regular check-up with Dr M today. The good news was that I was still only 1 cm dilated so nothing has changed since I was discharged from the hospital. I am not feeling great but at least there seems to be nothing to be concerned about.

I did lose 4 pounds which I attribute to the fact that I am not able to cruise to and from the fridge whenever I feel like it. When I need to ask someone else everytime I want food, it slows down how much I consume!

Otherwise, not much to report - which is a GOOD thing! We have made it to 30 weeks so I am feeling more and more relaxed with every day.

Labor and Delivery (short version)

I only have a few minutes to be upright and at the computer so here is the abridged version. Once I get the power cord to my laptop and I'm able to be online while in bed, I'll be back to full-size posts.....

Wednesday after my ultrasound (around dinner time) I started feeling very uncomfortable. I drank almost 60 oz of water and layed on my left side for a while but didn't feel better. I called the OB and he had me come into the hospital. I was there from Wednesday night until Friday late morning. I was 1 cm dilated but didn't progress any further than that. I was having contractions every 4 minutes when I got there but wasn't having any by the time they let me leave.

While I was there I took 4 rounds of terbutaline shots and then moved on to pills (every 6 hours). I also received the steroid shots to boost the babies' lung development(standard for pre-term labor).

So, now I am at home on FULL bedrest. I am taking the pills every 5 hours (I had contractions Friday night) and will be on them from now on. I get 10 minutes a day to shower and can get up to use the bathroom. I also get one trip up/down the stairs. The rest of the timeI am on the couch or in bed. Not fun. Not too mention my laptop's powercord is at work (Brian will get it this week) so I don't have much access to the outside world. My cell phone is hit and miss in thehouse and our house phone service is in the middle of being switched from Vonage to Comcast so that service is just routing to Brian's cell phone at the moment.

I'll be back to blogging and emails ASAP. In the mean time, keep your fingers crossed for us that we keep cooking the babies another few weeks!

Perinatologist Appt - May 30

Back to the peri today. As it turns out, I was also supposed to have jury duty today. I sent in a doctor's note saying I was unable to serve and I never heard back. I hope that means the note was acceptable. I can't imagine serving jail time for abandoning my civic duty while in this condition. Anyway....

So, this was the quickest visit we've had so far. I suppose that is because the Peri is concerned with the babies - not so much me - and they are doing exceptionally well. Baby A had the hiccups the whole time and Baby B would not stop yawning. They were both very active so this did not leave us with any usable pictures to post today. But it sure was fun watching them on the screen!

The highlights:
- Each baby is now weighing 3 lbs 1 oz. The tech and the Peri were both very impressed with their sizes and how evenly they are growing. This also means that their combined weight is now more than Alaina's birth weight which helps to explain why I'm feeling so much more pressure.
- My cervical length has decreased to half of what it was at the last visit. It went from being just over 4 cm to about 2-2.25 cm.
- Interesting measurement: the boys are measuring exactly on track at 28 weeks and 5 days. Everything except their arms and legs which are measuring at 30 weeks. Brian is hopeful that this means they will both end up being significantly taller than he is.

What's next:
My cervical length was cause for concern. I will be seeing Dr. M on Friday and we'll see what he has to say about it. Until then, the Peri said my activity should be "restricted". I told him that Dr. M said he "felt a head" on Friday and he said that's no surprise. He then showed us on the U/S just how low Baby A's head really is. Frightening! Like I could sneeze too hard and he could pop out!

The happy news of the day was that the growth and development for the babies is so good that I don't have to go back to the Peri for a whole month AND I don't need to worry about scheduling any NSTs until that time.

So, overall a good visit. An excellent check-up for the boys and nothing about me that can't be controlled with even more rest.

New belly pics - 28 weeks

Ok, when I said I would post these weekly, I guess I didn't mean it. But some of you have started politely (and not so politely) reminding me that I haven't followed through and you're right....So, here is 28 weeks:

Doesn't look too bad straight-on does it? But it gets worse....















For anyone out there who might be thinking that these are not terrible, please keep in mind - I still have 10 weeks left to go until we're full term!!!

On a sad note, I noticed my first stretch mark this weekend. I made it through my first pregnancy with no marks and was doing great this time around until two days ago. And you wanna know where it appeared? Right where I took my belly-button piercing out 8 years ago. I KNEW getting that piercing would come back to bite me. I guess I should have listened to my mother when she told me that.

OB Appointment - May 25

28 Weeks:
I'm actually not sure how I feel about this visit. My blood pressure and weight gain were both good. And the babies heart rates were good. But Dr M did tell me during the cervical check that he "feels a head". Um, ok. He mentioned that the baby could flip back over in 30 minutes and this would be nothing. So, if it's nothing, why tell me? Now it's all I can think about!!

He also said he "thinks" my cervix hasn't changed in length but then wanted to know how soon I'd be back at the perinatologist to have it measured by U/S. The answer is, 5 days from now. He seemed ok with that answer. He told me to "stay pregnant" and take it "very, very easy" until the peri appointment.

I left feeling a little uneasy about the whole feeling a head thing. And the internal exam this time did cause some discomfort which - even today - has not really gone away. So, I'm spending my time laying flat and just getting up to use the bathroom. Unfortunately, there are a lot of trips to the bathroom as my water intake has greatly increased with the rising temperature. I'm not taking any chance until I see the peri next week.

Protecting the Pack

Let's just establish for those who don't know how much I love my dog: I love, love, love her. She is treated as a full-fledged member of the family, by no one's choice but mine. Brian constantly reminds me "she is an animal", "she's a dog". Whatever. He's had dogs before. Not me. Kayla is my first and therefore, she is treated like a spoiled child who I desperately love (except when she is barking for no reason and I hate her temporarily. But those are fleeting moments).

Today, she earned her stripes as a member of the family by protecting her pack. Ok, so it was just me and I was at no time in any real danger but, regardless, she deserves to get a little shout-out here on the blog:

I was home in the back of the house, when I heard Kayla barking outside. This is not unusual. Often if I am home alone with her, I'll leave the front door cracked open so she can come in and out as she pleases. Sometimes while she is out, she hears a noise and she barks off a warning. This time, I thought I heard a car coming down the driveway so I started to walk towards the front door to get her back inside.

Before I could get out there, I heard a yelp, followed by barking I didn't recognize. I came into the entry way right as Kayla was running into the house. I looked out the window and I saw a coyote on the edge of the woods going back in. Then I noticed Kayla had a BIG gash on her backside. She was very calm about it but my blood pressure went through the roof.

Brian wasn't home but he rushed back when I called him. He took her to the vet and she got eleven stitches. They think the coyote wasn't rabid so that's good. Kayla was current on her shots and received a rabies booster just to be safe.

We then spent an hour on the phone with the man at animal control. He said they'll come "remove" the animals if we'd like. He said this type of encounter isn't too unsual in pup season and that we may see one come out again. He assured us that while Kayla is seen as a threat, we humans are not. I don't buy that 100% so we'll be staying inside - with the front door shut - for a while.

Today Kayla seems to be experiencing a little depression. She is just laying around looking very, very sad. Thankfully, I have the green light from the doctor to do nothing but lay around as well. We are getting some good quality snuggle time in. It's the least I can do for my great protector.

___Declines with Regret

Very few people enjoy a wedding as much as I do. I cry every time I see a bride coming down the aisle. I tear up at every reception when the couple is introduced for the first time. I love the flowers, I love the food, I love the champagne, I love the excuse to get dressed up. I think mostly I just love all the love at a wedding. So it has PAINED me this year to send back not one, not two, but three wedding reply cards with my regrets.

And it is not just weddings I'll be missing. It's Michelle's baby shower and Sarah's engagement party. It's the two annual summer BBQs at my in-laws' home. It's the Joyal "Christmas in June" party. And there are likely to be other birthday parties, and Christenings for which I haven't yet received an invitation as well.

But now that I am confined to the house - and generally feeling too uncomfortable to travel anyway - I must miss all these things. And even once the boys arrive, we will sticking close to home (and my bed) for several weeks as I try my hardest to get into a nursing and "sleep when they sleep" routine (highly recommended by every mother of a multiple I've ever spoken to).

So, to all of you out there who have so graciously invited me - or are planning to invite me - to events from now until approximately Labor Day, please don't take offense at my lack of attendance. Trust me when I say, I'd love to be there. With a glass of wine. More than you know. But for my health, the boys' health, and all of our sanity after their birth, I must respectfully decline your invitations until some time in the fall.

Please send lots of digital pictures.

OB Appointment - May 18

After a week of feeling generally not well, I saw Dr M today. And while he did not sentence me "to the slammer" he has put me on house arrest starting today.

This is nothing to be concerned about. The babies' heartbeats are good and my cervix is still closed. My sugar levels are excellent and I'm not even really anemic. But, I am experiencing extreme pressure, almost constant Braxton Hicks contractions, and lots of muscle pain/strain. Combine that with my history of premature birth and incompetent cervix and he has determined that we'll quit while we're ahead.

So, I have been placed on modified bedrest. This means I am to stay home and stay horizontal as much as possible. I'm not on strict bedrest: I can get up and move about as needed. But only as needed. Thankfully the weather is turning nicer so I can sit in the lounge chair outside. This is necessary to my sanity as I'm sure the inside of my house will not be upheld in the manner I would like (no offense, dear).

I will also resume my weekly OB check-ups starting next week. So I'll be seeing Dr M every week, the perinatologist group every three weeks for growth check and every week for NSTs. With that kind of schedule, who has time to work anyway?

Please send emails and call - I'll need the human contact!!

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope all you mother's out there enjoyed your special day!

Even though this was my third Mother's Day, I have never felt like the day was really for me. "Happy Mother's Day" is what I say to my mom, my Grandmother, Brian's mother, my aunts, etc, etc. When people say those words to me, however, I have always thought they sounded a little funny. But by the end of the day on Sunday, I changed my tune....

Brian took Alaina to see his mother on Saturday. They left in the afternoon and spent the night. Being as pregnant as I am, car trips more than 30 minutes are too much for me so I stayed home. I missed my baby (oh, and my husband) but I did get to spend some quality time with my own mother. It's not like I never see my mother. I see her all the time. But, this was different. As happy as I am that she and my daughter have such a special relationship, it was nice to have my mother's attention 100% on me for a while! She cooked my favorite dinner Saturday night and then we watched a girly movie that our husbands would have hated.

Sunday morning I woke up to sounds of her cleaning my house and taking care of my dog. This was something I felt weird about since, for my whole life, I have always done something for HER on Mother's Day - never the other way around. These days, I take all the help I can get and I try not to feel guilty about it. But on this day, I did feel badly that she was spending her special day waiting on me.

That afternoon we celebrated the day with her side of the family. It was there while I was sitting amongst my mother, her mother, my aunts and my very pregnant cousin-in-law that it hit me like a ton of bricks: I am about to embark on a journey that no other woman in my family has ever been on before. I am about to give birth to two children ... AT THE SAME TIME.

I know that multiple births are becoming more and more common, but in my family, this is a first. I will have this unique experience that no one can relate to and they may even be in awe of. And at the end of the day, when Brian said "Happy Mother's Day," I actually felt like I deserved to hear it and I was very proud to say Thank You.