We try, we really do, to get the kids out of the house as much as possible. Brian is excellent at packing up the three boys and getting them out somewhere at least once a day during the week. One outing last week was to one of his doctor's appointments. They loved it. I am not so great at it, but I think that is simply a lack of practice. I just need to do it more often.
This weekend we decided to go to a little event in our town. We figured it was local, it was relatively inexpensive and it was outdoors. Three for three, right? Plus it included all of the elements our children require to have a good time: people to watch, animals to pet, and music to clap to. (Bonus: there was plenty of food for Aaron to eat.) There were rides, games, etc. But, as it turns out, we were the walking human side show that night.
Everywhere we went we saw the stares and heard the gasps. A few people were bold enough to approach us: "Are they triplets?", "How old is your oldest?", and my personal favorite, "How did THAT happen?" Brian told that particular fellow they multiple with water at night... Seriously. What was worse were the people who talked to each other about us as we walked by "Oh look, and there's ANOTHER ONE on her back."...
People, we have a big family. And, yes, our children are young and close in age. But it happens. Is it really that abnormal? What made me feel especially bad on this night was the fact that the children were all clean (no food or drink stains!), well-behaved, smiling at everyone, not whining asking for souvenirs or tickets to go on lame rides. They even clapped enthusiastically for the sub-par band. Maybe we were being judged on their poor taste in music. But if we are being judged when we put our best foot forward, it makes me want to never go out again for fear that someone may actually CRY in public. What would people say then?
The good news is that the children are to young to notice or care right now. They just had a fun time with their family. But it bothered me. A LOT. And it even started to get to Brian. And almost nothing gets to Brian.
So, my question is: at what point will we be able to go out in public as a family unit and not have to endure the stares, and whispers and 1,000 logistical questions?
If you have the answer, please let me know.
This weekend we decided to go to a little event in our town. We figured it was local, it was relatively inexpensive and it was outdoors. Three for three, right? Plus it included all of the elements our children require to have a good time: people to watch, animals to pet, and music to clap to. (Bonus: there was plenty of food for Aaron to eat.) There were rides, games, etc. But, as it turns out, we were the walking human side show that night.
Everywhere we went we saw the stares and heard the gasps. A few people were bold enough to approach us: "Are they triplets?", "How old is your oldest?", and my personal favorite, "How did THAT happen?" Brian told that particular fellow they multiple with water at night... Seriously. What was worse were the people who talked to each other about us as we walked by "Oh look, and there's ANOTHER ONE on her back."...
People, we have a big family. And, yes, our children are young and close in age. But it happens. Is it really that abnormal? What made me feel especially bad on this night was the fact that the children were all clean (no food or drink stains!), well-behaved, smiling at everyone, not whining asking for souvenirs or tickets to go on lame rides. They even clapped enthusiastically for the sub-par band. Maybe we were being judged on their poor taste in music. But if we are being judged when we put our best foot forward, it makes me want to never go out again for fear that someone may actually CRY in public. What would people say then?
The good news is that the children are to young to notice or care right now. They just had a fun time with their family. But it bothered me. A LOT. And it even started to get to Brian. And almost nothing gets to Brian.
So, my question is: at what point will we be able to go out in public as a family unit and not have to endure the stares, and whispers and 1,000 logistical questions?
If you have the answer, please let me know.
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15 comments:
Ugh, that is so annoying! Why do people feel the need to comment? What business is it of theirs? And, like you said, it's not like you had this insane pack of disheveled rugrats. You had four sweet, charming children. Lucky you!
Sorry people were such a pain.
People are incredibly ignorant. Your family is fabulous and the furthest thing from a bunch of freaks. Tell them to shove it, show off your kids with pride and take comfort in the fact that their comments are proof enough that you and Brian are better people than they could ever be.
I feel for ya! Sorry to hear that people can be SO stupid! As I was reading your post, it reminded me of a time (not too long ago) when I was suppose to go to my friend's house for a walk with the children. When it began to rain, that quickly ruined our outdoor plans. So, I asked her if she wanted to go walk around the mall. She said "are you kidding"? We are just setting ourselves up for questions!!! She has identical 4 month old twin boys, and I have a red head! She said not thanks! All we would get is people stopping us and questions, I have had more people stop and stair at her hair. So, needless to say, we both decided to stay home that day!
Doesn't it make you want to have some snarky comment just in your back pocket to tell people when they are rude? Or a way to tell people they are being rude a-holes without letting on to your kids.
Not to defend anyone, but I think it is rare to see big families anymore. But talking out loud and pointing? Rude!
I have one set of twins and no other kids. Still, we get the comments, and the staring and the whispers. My kids ARE old enough to notice.
I've just told them that being twins is special, and other people are interested in that. Melody has started beating folks to the punch, asking anyone and everyone "What's your name?" followed immediately by "My name is Melody and that's my sister Jessica and we're twins."
On days I really don't want to deal with it, I wear a T-shirt that says "Yes they are twins. Yes they are identical."
We go out a lot, and mostly just deal with strangers' interest. We also have a lot of close friends with kids the same age who have grown up with our kids and don't SEE the twin-ness. I also keep in touch with my mother of multiples group, who GET it!
I've found that it helps to be armed with a set of answers for the more annoying questions. It helps to minimize my flying off the handle.
Stupid people are stupid. They can't help themselves.
My husband and I have 3 kids very close in age( 3 years 2 months, 22 months, and 7 months)I too get the comments and stares. We even had a nurse at a hospital (we were visiting grandma who had just had surgery) ask us if they were all ours. 2 kids is norm now and it seems if you have more than that especially if they are very close in age people talk. I love having them close in age so I try and shrug it off.
I'm the youngest of 5, so this sounds very familiar to me. I wish people would mind their own business. I mean, children are a gift, not something to be gawked at. I remember once when I was about 4, all my siblings and I were checking into a hotel with our parents for our first and only out of state family vacation. One of the hotel staff members was very rude- pointing, snickering. My mother asked her what her problem was and talked to her manager.
You should tell them all that because you are better parents than they are, you're better equipped to have a big family!
My four kids are spaced pretty evenly...8 year old boy, 4.5 year old girl, and 7 month old identical twin boys. We literally can't go anywhere without the comments, the whispers, stares, or pointing.
If I am in a hurry I just attempt not to make eye contact with anyone so I can just get in and get done.
My big kids are starting to not enjoy the endless questions.
We have three kids. A Three year old and 16 month old twins. Not that exciting... really. I've had people step back and take pictures of us with their cell phones. Apparently as proof should no one believe their "crazy story" of the woman with three small children. Just wait until we add a fourth!
Yikes.
Next time ask them if they want to babysit. ;)
We get some stares with our pack of 3, but I just smile like I'm in control (HA!) and keep going. I don't mind the people who stop to chat - it's the ones who talk like I can't hear them that bother me.
you crack me up! Everytime I read one of your posts I can't help but see myself! I am a freak show when I am out with the three kids by myself (which is all the time)! I actually have to make sure I look good just to run a few quick errands because I KNOW I am going to get stared at and commented on the entire time I am out!! The most common comments..."god bless you", you have your hands full", and "how do you do it". I actually get a kick out of it :)
Hey momma-I just found your blog-I'm about to be a mum to identical twin boys, and I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. 4 under 3! I'm terrified to go out alone, and I'm not even sure it's going to be possible! Thanks for blogging about your life and kiddos :)
Hi! Just came across your blog and am loving it:) sorry about the rude comments from other people. I too get the stares and whispers. 4 under four is hard but unbelievably rewarding. I have a 3 1/2 year old girl, 2 y/o boy-girl twins and a little 5 month old baby girl. It is wonderful. Feel free to check out my blog also. I haven't posted in a while, sorry. www.nqcampbell.blogspot.com
Marquesa
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